BIG Step

So tonight - right now as I type this - Nick is on his way to a bachelor party. An all night bachelor party. Yes, with strippers, booze, buddies - you name it. And he will be staying the night.

Why this is a big step you ask? Because normally I would freak out over this, I would let my insecurities run wild, brood about it for weeks and be a complete bitch to him about everything. Sad isn't it? I am ashamed to say that was exactly what I did when Dante and I were going to marry. I was so insecure about it in fact, that the only things they had on tap were to race go carts then go out to dinner. I would get upset if I found him watching porn - even though I enjoy watching it myself. Insecurity and poor self image causes long lasting, damaging things that affect not only yourself but those around you.

Which brings me to tonight. Now, I had heard about the BP in passing for a few months and just always thought that I would worry about it when it got closer. Then a week ago, I realized that truly, the thought of him going really didn't bother me. Then, I started to wonder why. Part of me wonders if I am not letting myself get deeply attached to Nick, so when/if it does happen I can say "See? You knew it was coming! It is always coming!" but the other part of me wonders if maybe, I am just growing up. Maybe I feel like I can trust Nick and for all the crap that has happened recently (another blog for another time) maybe he deserves to go out, have a night with the guys and be trusted. He trusted me to go the away to Reno for a girls weekend and - more unbelievably - trusted me to fly to another state and stay with Dante for the weekend. And he managed not to be an asshole to me before or after the trip :) In my heart, I really truly love and care for Nick and deep inside I am ok with this. For the first time in a long time, it feels really good to be secure enough in myself and my relationship to be ok with this.

I really had not intention of delving into such personal things tonight, but I am really rather amazed at the way I am handling it. At any rate, I'm glad to see the rational adult in me decided to pull my head out and let the guy have some fun. After all, he has been married twice and never had a bachelor party either time. Poor bastard.

Oh and maybe the part that makes me fell a little bit better? We are doing the Race for the Cure tomorrow morning and need to be there by 7:00am :) Have fun Nick!!!

Get Outta Town!

So I last left off where Nick and I were going away together in San Francisco at this place where I had a gift certificate for a weekend stay for two at a rather nice hotel. Yes, hotel, not motel :) He comes by after work to pick me up - and brings me a (at least) $200 bouquet of flowers. I am truly quite shocked. With the exception of my dad, I have never gotten anything better from my guys than a dozen roses that you get at the store. Yeah, that includes Dante too. Not that you should bitch when you get flowers or anything, but sometimes its nice to have something with a little thought put into it. Anyway - I say to him "Nick, these are beautiful, isn't it going to be a little tough to bring them with us though? He looks at me and says "What do you mean? I figured that you would just toss them on the counter and we would be done" WTF? Who spends money like this on someone you don't know? Oh well, I'll hitch a ride for a bit you know? So I finish taking my class on line and we head off. Now, aside from mutual physical attraction, we are still on a 'getting to know you' type basis, so the car ride down is a lot of perfunctory questions, but there is just no denying the sexual tension in the car. I'll spare you the gruesome details, but we could not have arrived at the hotel soon enough...

Then we actually got there.

If you remember at the beginning of my story, I was planning on using a gift certificate that I had received in 2006. Now, as I live in California, gift certificates do not expire in California. Me being a planner, I called ahead, spoke with the admissions person, got an email confirmation, brought it with me etc. Well - the lady behind the counter - Kelly - was a huge bitch. Ok, it's like 10:30 by the time we get there and we are (for lack of a better description) ready for bed. Kelly informs me that my gift certificate is expired and we cannot stay there. I politely inform her and show her my back up for the room confirmation. After 20 minutes of back and forth, she finally relents and says "I need to charge $25.00 to a credit card and you can stay." No problem right? Oh yeah, not problem if you are not me. Ya see, Nick had cash on him ($2,000), but no card and I had put my card in my pants pocket after I got gas...then changed those pants before we left. Awesome. Kelly informs us that there is no way we will be allowed to stay there without a credit card. Nick asks if he can give her the cost of the room for the night in cash as collateral. She says no. He asks if he can give her a $500 deposit for the night. She says no. I on the other hand am just thinking to myself "Are you fucking kidding me? I drove all the way to SF with this super hot guy I've known for like a week or so and here we are 10:30 at night, 2 hours from home with no place to stay." Nick is now starting to get pissed and Kelly is seconds away from threatening to call the cops (I could just see how well that would work out) so I step in front of Nick and say we should leave. We are both pissed, but I am now at the giddy stage of WTF, so I am laughing my ass off. After things like this happen to me so often, I figure I can either laugh or cry. Shocking I don't do more of the latter. Well, as luck would have it there was a Motel 6 right next door. He says "Fuck it?" I say "Fuck it" and we head over to begin our romantic weekend at fabulous Motel 6...