AAA/DMV

It seems like everywhere you look, on the back of on old person's car you will see a AAA sticker. I remember noticing that around the ripe old age of 16 after I started driving and immediately associated it with the elderly and wanted nothing to do with it after that. 'What kind of a geezer has AAA?'

Well, now I am that kind of geezer, a mere 16 years later. Aside from the fact it's like 50 bucks a year and (my very favorite part) the DMV service! Are you shitting me? All of these years that I have wasted time at the DMV, either waiting in line, helped by some rude jackass who can't understand me cause I can't understand them, being handed back paperwork to go and fix because I wrote the date on the wrong line or some lame thing, having to get out of one line and into another - and AAA has a DMV window at their offices the whole time?!?! Where that can do all this stuff and more? Without an appointment? Where I have never waited more than 20 minutes total? What a great idea!

Then I vaguely remember my aunts voice in my head over the years telling me she was going to run over to AAA on her lunch to go renew her tags, get her license plates etc. and I thought that she must have meant the DMV - I mean both three letters right? Easy mistake? Nope. So really, I have known about this for a long time, but never made the connection. Silly me.

Upset

Ok, so day before yesterday, Nick tells me that he went to the doctor to get a check up and his blood pressure was 150/120 - which is not good and what is even worse, the doctor sent him home without any medication whatsoever. Just some awesome advice to loose weight. I'm sure that's a factor, but he coaches and usually gets a work out at the school 4 days a week, and on weekends we always go for a hike, play Frisbee golf or whatever. He doesn't drink at all and only smokes the occasional cigar. And I have been silently freaking out inside ever since he told me. I don't even want to think about him getting sick. And the worst part is (obviously no one likes to acknowledge it they are sick or even heading in that direction) every time I try to bring the subject up, he immediately shuts down, refuses to talk then tells me he's tired and just wants to sit there for a while which frustrates me even more. So instead of sitting down and talking with him, I am sitting here, writing this stupid blog, trying to be a big girl and not cry. It's not working.

BIG Step

So tonight - right now as I type this - Nick is on his way to a bachelor party. An all night bachelor party. Yes, with strippers, booze, buddies - you name it. And he will be staying the night.

Why this is a big step you ask? Because normally I would freak out over this, I would let my insecurities run wild, brood about it for weeks and be a complete bitch to him about everything. Sad isn't it? I am ashamed to say that was exactly what I did when Dante and I were going to marry. I was so insecure about it in fact, that the only things they had on tap were to race go carts then go out to dinner. I would get upset if I found him watching porn - even though I enjoy watching it myself. Insecurity and poor self image causes long lasting, damaging things that affect not only yourself but those around you.

Which brings me to tonight. Now, I had heard about the BP in passing for a few months and just always thought that I would worry about it when it got closer. Then a week ago, I realized that truly, the thought of him going really didn't bother me. Then, I started to wonder why. Part of me wonders if I am not letting myself get deeply attached to Nick, so when/if it does happen I can say "See? You knew it was coming! It is always coming!" but the other part of me wonders if maybe, I am just growing up. Maybe I feel like I can trust Nick and for all the crap that has happened recently (another blog for another time) maybe he deserves to go out, have a night with the guys and be trusted. He trusted me to go the away to Reno for a girls weekend and - more unbelievably - trusted me to fly to another state and stay with Dante for the weekend. And he managed not to be an asshole to me before or after the trip :) In my heart, I really truly love and care for Nick and deep inside I am ok with this. For the first time in a long time, it feels really good to be secure enough in myself and my relationship to be ok with this.

I really had not intention of delving into such personal things tonight, but I am really rather amazed at the way I am handling it. At any rate, I'm glad to see the rational adult in me decided to pull my head out and let the guy have some fun. After all, he has been married twice and never had a bachelor party either time. Poor bastard.

Oh and maybe the part that makes me fell a little bit better? We are doing the Race for the Cure tomorrow morning and need to be there by 7:00am :) Have fun Nick!!!

Not So Secret Garden

From the time I was a little girl, I always loved the movie The Secret Garden. I could imagine myself as that little girl playing for hours and hours on end in a garden that was all my own. So, many years later, I still love that movie and I fianlly have a garden although it is not so secret. Bless Nick for having a green thumb :) See the side for more pics of my Not So Secret Garden. Wishing you all good days ~ Mia

A different direction

So, once again I am on the bandwagon to loose weight.

Now here is the kicker - I'm not alone, my self esteem is probably close to the best it's ever been and (the best part) in one week it will be one year since Nick and I have been together. A whole year and I am really starting to think and believe that he really loves me even though currently, I know I'm not at my best. And that's why I think I love him too. Anyone can look pretty dressed up and with makeup on, but lets just say not everyone appreciates natural beauty.

I am not a small boned woman, but am not and have never been fat. I'm solid and strong and have a nice proportionate girlish figure. Unfortunately, I've noticed how much tighter things have gotten lately on my expanding girlish figure and really, it's because I'm not dedicating enough time and effort to the cause. The sad thing is I actually joined a Bikram Yoga class (which I love) and while it is super tough - the room is 105 degrees and you are in it for 90 minutes contorting your body into positions you've only seen in racy movies and then there's the smell. You've got to get used to the smell - there are usually as little as 5 and as many as 20 people in a class with you at any time, all sweating stretching and everything else right next to you, so sometimes it can be dicey. However, if you put that aside and you stick with it, you are not only amazed by how you feel, but how you look. You see, you burn approximately 750 - 1100 calories per class. Look into it if you don't believe me (what a trip, as I'm writing about this, I just got a message from the good yoga folks they are doing a 30 day challenge class for the month of February*) How's that for a sign? *yes I realize that February only has 28 days, 29 at most - what can I say? They are hippies you know? All this being said, I never felt better about myself mentally and physically - and I want to fee that way again. For me. Not because I am trying to get something or not be lonely. I really want to feel better and look better for me. So here it is: 50 pounds. That's what my goal is 50 pounds. As most great diets start tomorrow, so shall mine. My personal challenge is to blog at least two times a week about my progress and go to yoga at least 3-4 times a week. Who knows? Maybe I will get a wild hair and do the 30 day challenge. Some days you just have to go through the motions, so here I go.

Thank you for being a part of my journey - Bevie - as usual, thank you for checking in. All the best to you and yours now and always :)