I don't need no stinking title

So over the weekend, I went camping in Napa with Dante's mom and her friend. We had the best time. I love to camp and this was one of the first camping trips I have ever been on where no one fought, argued or was irritated with anyone. Everyone pulled their own weight and when plan changed, no one freaked out. It was a great few days. So recently I have been getting along well with Dante. I had him watch the dog while I was gone - he did a half ass job like I expected him to but whatever. So I am still jobless and still seem to be the one to loan Dante money for gas, food, whatever and things will never change. He was right. He will always need someone to take care of him and I want that for myself too. The difference is that I will give what I get an in most cases more than I get. Yesterday he changed my oil and I had made dinner and it is so comfortable when we are together because we did it for so long. I can still see a lot of the little things that I think would still get on my nerves. So like usual, he tries to grab at my boob or smack my ass (man I sound fucked up writing this) but really, again, I think it was because that was the habits we had for so long. He asked me to touch him, sleep with him etc and I said no. Just earlier I had been telling him about my issues with the firefighter and another guy I went to dinner with (another day that one) and we talked (again) about his "girlfriend", the one whose married. Oh yeah, hell of a girlfriend. In some ways though what can I say? Am I any better than him? Well this afternoon he stopped by on the way to a friends house and what do I see but a hickey on his neck. The only thing I can say is that I am so happy I didn't sleep with him. Funny cause today I thought about calling him and asking him to stay the night tonight. I will not and cannot deny how lonely I am sometimes and how it is comforting to be with someone so familiar, but more and more I am realizing that I cannot rush what I want and just hope that one day it will find me (one day soon!)

Still don't have a job and still trying to figure out how to get to Hawaii, but fuck it, I'm going to figure it out somehow. Oh and I am a total bitch for going out with a guy twice now and then deciding not to call him back. We went to dinner at Chilli's and then to lunch and a movie. I could tell that he was getting interested in me and decided in the movie that I would not kiss him and that after that day, he would never hear from me again. I told him that I would call him when I got back from camping which was Sunday, but I haven't called and don't think I am going to. What do I say to this guy? "Sorry, you seem really nice, but you're really not that attractive and I'm just not feeling it. Good luck." So I am choosing the pussy road out and not going to call him back. Ever. So the firefighter - He called last week and said he was in town for two nights (about 30 minutes away from where I live) and did we get together? Nope. Then I can't help but think "Really? This is another guy you are worrying about, whom you never see hardly at all, who is staying with his cousin about a half hour away and he calls you on his way back home to go fight more fires? Are you really going to waste more of your time on someone who isn't going to be devoted to you?" So I make up my mind I will not call him for awhile, then he calls me Friday after we get finished setting up camp. He said that he got the next two days off and wanted to see what I was up to. I told him camping and we talked for a bit. When I talk to the guy, I just freaking melt all over the place. Then the next day, we had just finished lunch and he called again. Very unlike him, but we chatted again for awhile and I told him I would call when I got home. I called him Sunday night and we talked for about a half hour or so. I invited him to thanksgiving, but who knows if he will show. Oh, that and I have gained about 20 lbs (no kidding) and I am ashamed of myself and wonder when I will decide to pull my head out.