Awkward!

So Monday night the firefighter came for to my house and from there we went to my dad's for dinner then back to my house where we watched Extreme Cage Fighting till about 11:30 then went to bed :) I did have to work in the morning, so we were up early and apparently, Dante called while I was in the shower. I was getting dressed, looked down at my phone and saw Dante's mom's number and since we still talk, I figured it was her. I go to the living room to call back (firefighter is on the couch watching TV and drinking coffee) and to my surprise Dante answers "Hey, what are you doing? Can I please come by and just vent for a few minutes? I had a shitty morning at the unemployment office and I'm going to fucking kill someone if I don't get off the road" I say sire, you can come on by, but the firefighter is here. He gets quite and asks if it's still ok if he comes by anyway. I say sure and he says he will be there in about 10 minutes. I hang up turn to the firefighter and say "So this morning you will meet my friend Dante. He's having a tough morning and is going to swing by for a few minutes to vent".

The firefighter has no idea what role Dante has played in my life. I know that sounds terrible, but it has never really come up; I mean, I don't have any idea about any of his past relationships. I guess because we are around each other so rarely, we don't talk about serious stuff to often - yet.

Anyway...

Dante shows up and I must say was extremely polite and friendly towards the firefighter, shook his hand, the whole nine. We are all three on the couch, me in the middle and all chatting pretty amicably about such things as unemployment, which both guys are dealing with, Dante about his kids and me about work. 8:00 finally rolls around and I say it's time for all of us to go and Dante is first to leave. I give him a hug and kiss on the cheek and say I will talk to him later. I shut the door, get the rest of my stuff and the firefighter and I walk out front door, hug and kiss goodbye and head off in opposite directions.

I did not explain anything.

He didn't ask me any questions.

Coincidentally, as all of the above is happening that morning in that 20 minute time span, I notice something is wrong with Chico. He is cocking his head to the right, hunching his back and sorta limping. This is not Chico-like at all as he was fine the night before when the firefighter and I got home and walked him. He slept in the bed with us all night long, there was no trash out or anything he could have gotten into but something was definitely off. That right there has my attention sidetracked. Gay as it may sound, Chico is my baby mom's know when something is wrong with their kids. He wasn't crying or anything and just finally got on the couch to lie down. I decided that I would go to work and come home at lunch. Who knows? Maybe he was trying to launch himself off the bed onto the little cat (like usual) and missed - maybe he was faking because I had company over? I'd come home at lunch and check on him.


He wasn't faking. Chico was still laying on the couch and didn't come to the door. I went over to see him and his little neck was swollen up to twice it's normal size. He tries to turn on his side so I can pet his belly and cries out. My heart just stops - what a fucking terrible pet parent I feel like. Then he starts shaking. All I can think is what if he hit his head earlier or something then I freak call the vet, tell them what's going on and they say bring him in right away. I call work, give them the skinny and they are so wonderfully supportive and I am so grateful because I don't think I could have taken anything other than support at the moment. After much debate about whether or not I need to take him to set an animal neurologist (which is $150.00 just to walk through the front door - oh and it's 45 minutes away from where I live) we decide to start off with blood work, get x-rays, get pain pills, anti-inflammatory pills and muscle relaxers which only cost me a mere $516.58.

Yeah, you read that right. But what could I do? It's my guy and he was hurting. He's just fucking lucky I didn't have to pay rent with this check. Anyway, a long story and no neurologist visit later he has been taking his meds and seems to be back to his old spry self. The swelling is gone, he can move his neck in all directions and all is right in my world.

Until we talk about my love life.

This Saturday, the firefighter and I were supposed to be going about three hours away to stay with my family at one of the cabins on my uncles property. We have been talking about this for a few weeks so this is not a surprise. I call him last night and leave a message to let him know it's ok for him to bring his gun for hunting and dirt bike for riding cause he had asked about it earlier in the week. He calls me right back and tells that his mom is coming down to bring his couch and stuff from his house in Nevada, but he's not sure if she's coming Friday or Saturday and he starting to stress about money cause he was laid off as the winter season rolls in and will be hired back on in spring. In the meantime, he has filed for unemployment and his social security number has been entered wrong, delaying payment etc. I said no worries and just call me and let me know what was up. He said sure, we chatted a bit more and said goodbye. Later on that night I'm talking to Dante on the phone and he said "You you know your guy saw you touch my hand that one time and watched you hug me and give me a kiss" I said "First off, it was a kiss on the cheek which happened while you were leaving and I did it in front of him because I'm not trying to hide you. I hugged his brother and his friends on front of him - I'm a hugger - you know that." Dante says "Yes, but does he?" all I can say is "I don't know. He never asked about you. He never said anything at all."

Hmmmm. Am I making too much out of this? Should I have said something, offered some sort of explanation? I didn't plan for this and the timing was terrible. He must be curious right? I sure as hell would be. Ok Mia, don't start trippin for no reason.

This morning I call the vet say Chico is doing better and she reminds me that he should have no strenuous activity for about a week and limited animal interaction to just my cats. Crap. The trip to the mountains this weekend - oh well. I'm not going to put the dog in the car, crated or not, and risk him jacking himself up so I can come up with another 500 bucks. No thanks. And, my boss asked me to work Saturday and then has some take home work for me. It's good, but I'm still sorta bummed and decide to call the firefighter to let him know that I'm not going either way, so he doesn't have to worry about it. When I call, the conversation goes like this:

FF: Hey, what's up?

(Damn. His voice seems sorta clipped. I knew I should have waited till at least to morrow to call)

ME: Hey, sorry to bother you again so soon, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm not going this weekend. I'm going to hang out here and watch Chico cause I don't think it's a good idea to drive a long distance with him, plus I now have to work Saturday. Anyway, I'm not sure if you were still planning on going, but I just wanted to let you know it was cancelled so it would be one less thing on your mind." Dead silence.

All of this has come out in a rush and I speak fast when I'm nervous. And he still makes me nervous - especially as I've called him three days consecutively although I've kept the conversations short and really, they were valid calls. I still don't want to seem like the sudden clingy girlfriend. Which I'm afraid I might become, but that's another story.

FF: Oh. Well, I was just planning to hang out up here this weekend. It's good that you're staying with Chico.

ME: Yeah, poor guy. I'll just be glad when he feels better. Its almost the weekend and I have Monday off too for MLK Day, so I'll have plenty of time to keep an eye on him.

FF: Right on. I'm just getting really to head to a party. A few of my buddies moved out together and a few more of my friends came down from Reno so I am on my way to see them - you know guys night out.

ME: Right on, have fun with the boys. Be careful if your drinking & driving.

FF: Thanks. (Kind of distracted) You got anything planned for tonight?

ME: Nothing too exciting. Going to see my best buddy, go shopping and do girly stuff...

FF: Sounds good. Anyway, have a good weekend - um - I, I mean I will uh, call you in a few days. Ok, bye.

~ Ouch ~ Can someone tell me if I was just dismissed or if I am over reacting? Is he pissed at me? Should he be? Was I wrong not to give any explanation about Dante? Is this brush off payback? Freaking stink. What do I do now? No way in hell I am calling him back to even begin to broach this girly, emotional (and possibly fruitless) conversation. I didn't plan for it, I was running late for work and I didn't want to blurt just it out then walk away.

Why in the hell do I always seem to do the wrong thing at the wrong time?