AAA/DMV

It seems like everywhere you look, on the back of on old person's car you will see a AAA sticker. I remember noticing that around the ripe old age of 16 after I started driving and immediately associated it with the elderly and wanted nothing to do with it after that. 'What kind of a geezer has AAA?'

Well, now I am that kind of geezer, a mere 16 years later. Aside from the fact it's like 50 bucks a year and (my very favorite part) the DMV service! Are you shitting me? All of these years that I have wasted time at the DMV, either waiting in line, helped by some rude jackass who can't understand me cause I can't understand them, being handed back paperwork to go and fix because I wrote the date on the wrong line or some lame thing, having to get out of one line and into another - and AAA has a DMV window at their offices the whole time?!?! Where that can do all this stuff and more? Without an appointment? Where I have never waited more than 20 minutes total? What a great idea!

Then I vaguely remember my aunts voice in my head over the years telling me she was going to run over to AAA on her lunch to go renew her tags, get her license plates etc. and I thought that she must have meant the DMV - I mean both three letters right? Easy mistake? Nope. So really, I have known about this for a long time, but never made the connection. Silly me.

Upset

Ok, so day before yesterday, Nick tells me that he went to the doctor to get a check up and his blood pressure was 150/120 - which is not good and what is even worse, the doctor sent him home without any medication whatsoever. Just some awesome advice to loose weight. I'm sure that's a factor, but he coaches and usually gets a work out at the school 4 days a week, and on weekends we always go for a hike, play Frisbee golf or whatever. He doesn't drink at all and only smokes the occasional cigar. And I have been silently freaking out inside ever since he told me. I don't even want to think about him getting sick. And the worst part is (obviously no one likes to acknowledge it they are sick or even heading in that direction) every time I try to bring the subject up, he immediately shuts down, refuses to talk then tells me he's tired and just wants to sit there for a while which frustrates me even more. So instead of sitting down and talking with him, I am sitting here, writing this stupid blog, trying to be a big girl and not cry. It's not working.

BIG Step

So tonight - right now as I type this - Nick is on his way to a bachelor party. An all night bachelor party. Yes, with strippers, booze, buddies - you name it. And he will be staying the night.

Why this is a big step you ask? Because normally I would freak out over this, I would let my insecurities run wild, brood about it for weeks and be a complete bitch to him about everything. Sad isn't it? I am ashamed to say that was exactly what I did when Dante and I were going to marry. I was so insecure about it in fact, that the only things they had on tap were to race go carts then go out to dinner. I would get upset if I found him watching porn - even though I enjoy watching it myself. Insecurity and poor self image causes long lasting, damaging things that affect not only yourself but those around you.

Which brings me to tonight. Now, I had heard about the BP in passing for a few months and just always thought that I would worry about it when it got closer. Then a week ago, I realized that truly, the thought of him going really didn't bother me. Then, I started to wonder why. Part of me wonders if I am not letting myself get deeply attached to Nick, so when/if it does happen I can say "See? You knew it was coming! It is always coming!" but the other part of me wonders if maybe, I am just growing up. Maybe I feel like I can trust Nick and for all the crap that has happened recently (another blog for another time) maybe he deserves to go out, have a night with the guys and be trusted. He trusted me to go the away to Reno for a girls weekend and - more unbelievably - trusted me to fly to another state and stay with Dante for the weekend. And he managed not to be an asshole to me before or after the trip :) In my heart, I really truly love and care for Nick and deep inside I am ok with this. For the first time in a long time, it feels really good to be secure enough in myself and my relationship to be ok with this.

I really had not intention of delving into such personal things tonight, but I am really rather amazed at the way I am handling it. At any rate, I'm glad to see the rational adult in me decided to pull my head out and let the guy have some fun. After all, he has been married twice and never had a bachelor party either time. Poor bastard.

Oh and maybe the part that makes me fell a little bit better? We are doing the Race for the Cure tomorrow morning and need to be there by 7:00am :) Have fun Nick!!!

Not So Secret Garden

From the time I was a little girl, I always loved the movie The Secret Garden. I could imagine myself as that little girl playing for hours and hours on end in a garden that was all my own. So, many years later, I still love that movie and I fianlly have a garden although it is not so secret. Bless Nick for having a green thumb :) See the side for more pics of my Not So Secret Garden. Wishing you all good days ~ Mia

Really Great!

This weekend Nick and I decided to get out of town and head to the Bay Area. Boy, how things have changed (and not changed) in a year. About this same time last year, our very first weekend away ever together was down in the Bay Area. The hotel we planned on staying at did not let us stay because I left my credit card at home and even though I already had paid for the room and had close to $700 in cash that I was willing to leave for a deposit, they wouldn't let us stay cause it wasn't a credit card. We ended up going next door to Motel 6 and still had an awesome time.

So here we are a year later, staying at the same hotel that denied us the first time. I have to tell you, a year ago when Nick and I first went down there, I remember looking at him while we were driving wondering how may weeks this "relationship" was going to last. If you knew him and knew me, we were pretty different people with different lifestyles and no one would have matched us on love connection. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how nervous and excited I was just to be with him and was thinking "The hell with it! Even if this doesn't work out, I'm still going to have a good time." Now a year later, I am still having a good time.

We were total tourists, did the Pier 39 thing, watched the silver and gold guys dance for the crowds while the "bush man" scared unsuspecting targets. We watched the boats come in, had a fab dinner at Alioto's while sharing a bottle of wine, watched the sea lions bask in the sun and ate crepes while watching the lights come on all over the city. He spoiled me rotten and bought me a tie-dyed sweatshirt which is now my favorite article of clothing ever! Not to mention some really beautiful glass jewelery that he picked out for me. Afterwards, we headed back to the hotel to lounge in the tub and sit out on our porch, listen to the water splash against the rocks and just enjoyed being together. It was one of the nicest weekends I think I have ever had. You know, we might bicker and argue about things from time to time, but it is a rarity that we actually out and out fight. I am so happy that I went through everything that I did with Dante and other guys in the past so I could appreciate what I have with Nick - and I do - so very much.

For the last 12 years, whenever I've made a wish (fountains, birthdays, shooting stars etc.) my one wish was to be happy. It looks like not only has my wish come true, but it is staying true. It takes work from both sides to be in a good, healthy relationship and I am so happy that I found someone that is willing to work with me to make it happen.

By being happy and grateful for what I already have in life, life seems to keep giving me things to be happy and grateful for. How great is that?

People suck and other thoughts

I have been doing really good on the quest to become a better me. I have gone to yoga three times since my last post, have forgone beer (which I love) and have tried really hard to watch what I'm eating. Steps in the right direction I guess -

Which I would have loved to tell you about it earlier except my phone, Internet and cable was out for three days so I was pretty much out of touch. The best part was when the Comcast guy came out and spent two hours at my house simply befuddled as to what the problem might be. Suddenly he thinks to look at the cable box - and promptly discovered that our ghetto trash next door neighbors were stealing our cable! How awesome is that? And the dumb fucks didn't even have a presence of mind to get a splitter and do it right. They literally unscrewed our cable line and ran one from their house into our box - and left our line laying next to it. I told Nick that he better handle it with the neighbors and the landlord cause it won't be pretty if it's in my hands. I so don't trust these fuck sticks and would love some sort of retaliation, but I'm wondering if them just being them is punishment enough. After all - when they first moved in, they ran off of a generator for three weeks cause they couldn't pay their electricity bill. It irks me cause I work a lot of nights at home (like 4-5) to get done stuff I can't get to during the day and so I missed out on getting paid for that because of these assholes. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Did Comcast actually do anything or do shit heads like this get away with this crap? They had us fill out FCC paperwork, said it was a Federal Offense etc, but I'm just not sure how convinced I am....

Anyway, that irritation aside, I'm doing ok with trying to get healthier and have lost 4.6 pounds since I first started:) If anyone else out there is trying to do right by themselves, I'd love to read your blog or hear your feedback. Happy Friday everyone!

Trying to be a better me - day 1

Ok. So far, so good. I ate my lunch that I brought with me today (thank God as I didn't leave for lunch again today) have stayed far away from the candy bowl in my buddy's office and have generally been on my best behavior food wise. Probably cause I've been too busy to give too much thought to food :) Yoga wise - not so much. Have every intent on going to the 5:30am class - clothes laid out, water bottle and mat at the ready - only to hear my alarm go off, crack one eye open and think "It's 4:45 and it's freezing outside. Chico is so soft and warm. Maybe I will just go to the 6:30 class tonight..." which sounds awesome except I am here, at work, writing this at 6:10 when it takes me about 30 minutes to get there. When there is no traffic. And no rain. Oh well. Some days work comes first and this is one of those days. Shooting for Tuesday...

Nick is in a foul mood because of school stuff with his daughter - sorry all - don't feel like re-hashing it at the moment, but I'm going to try and stay strong and not take them out for ice cream after a tough day.

Dante is still in Colorado. His mom and his son moved up there permanently last week. I sure do miss his son. He is and always will be my guy (the son that is). They want me to come for a visit at the end of the February. They have invited Nick although I don't think he really wants to go, but that is a blog for another day or perhaps later tonight if I'm feeling frisky.

Best of luck to me and everyone else out there who is trying to make changes for the better!

~Mia

A different direction

So, once again I am on the bandwagon to loose weight.

Now here is the kicker - I'm not alone, my self esteem is probably close to the best it's ever been and (the best part) in one week it will be one year since Nick and I have been together. A whole year and I am really starting to think and believe that he really loves me even though currently, I know I'm not at my best. And that's why I think I love him too. Anyone can look pretty dressed up and with makeup on, but lets just say not everyone appreciates natural beauty.

I am not a small boned woman, but am not and have never been fat. I'm solid and strong and have a nice proportionate girlish figure. Unfortunately, I've noticed how much tighter things have gotten lately on my expanding girlish figure and really, it's because I'm not dedicating enough time and effort to the cause. The sad thing is I actually joined a Bikram Yoga class (which I love) and while it is super tough - the room is 105 degrees and you are in it for 90 minutes contorting your body into positions you've only seen in racy movies and then there's the smell. You've got to get used to the smell - there are usually as little as 5 and as many as 20 people in a class with you at any time, all sweating stretching and everything else right next to you, so sometimes it can be dicey. However, if you put that aside and you stick with it, you are not only amazed by how you feel, but how you look. You see, you burn approximately 750 - 1100 calories per class. Look into it if you don't believe me (what a trip, as I'm writing about this, I just got a message from the good yoga folks they are doing a 30 day challenge class for the month of February*) How's that for a sign? *yes I realize that February only has 28 days, 29 at most - what can I say? They are hippies you know? All this being said, I never felt better about myself mentally and physically - and I want to fee that way again. For me. Not because I am trying to get something or not be lonely. I really want to feel better and look better for me. So here it is: 50 pounds. That's what my goal is 50 pounds. As most great diets start tomorrow, so shall mine. My personal challenge is to blog at least two times a week about my progress and go to yoga at least 3-4 times a week. Who knows? Maybe I will get a wild hair and do the 30 day challenge. Some days you just have to go through the motions, so here I go.

Thank you for being a part of my journey - Bevie - as usual, thank you for checking in. All the best to you and yours now and always :)

Things I would like to ask my mom

I'd like to think that everyone has someone (or had someone in their life) that they can look up to, talk to and ask those tough questions that sometimes life throws at us. My mom passed away almost 15 years ago (when I was 16) so while, at this point in my life, I got to spend a good half of it with her, there are just some questions and life lessons that just don't maifest until later in life. I recently read a saying "Make peace with your past so you can focus on your future". That being said here are a list of questions I wish I could ask now in hopes of trying to make peace with some of my past:

Tell me about your first heart break - how did you get through it?

Have you ever gotten into an argument with a good friend that ruined that relationship? Did you ever want/try to fix it?

How do you really, really feel about yourself? Are you happy?

What is your biggest regret?

What are you most proud of?

Even after you married dad, were you ever conflicted about someone else?

I probably have a ton more that I haven't thought of or haven't even happened to me yet, but this is a good start. Even though I will never get these answers from her, I am fortunate enough to have good friends, aunts and co-workers that have have given guidance and will always continue to do so - looks like mom will always look out for me no matter what :)

Holidays

In general, I like holidays. My mom always celebrated every holiday and I do mean every holiday. Easter, Valentine's Day, St. Patty's Day, Arbor Day, President's Day - you name it and there were themed decorations associated with each holiday. Growing up, I thought it was kind of cheesy, then after my mom died, I missed it so much. My now grown-up conclusion is that in defiance of bad times, she liked to celebrate life and make good times with her friends and family so pick a day, any day, and she could make it a holiday. Pretty cool to have someone care that much.

But I digress. The reason for tonight's blog is that I'm feeling a little selfish tonight and know what I want to do and what I'm probably going to do. Let's face it, I'm having a pity party - table for 1 please.

Thanksgiving. My mom's family does not speak to my dad and and right back at them so I try to split the day evenly among my aunts and uncles and my dad. (Funny I'm doing this at 30 - how many other people go through this crap?) So this year I was planning to cook dinner for my dad, step mom and her family (which is pretty much my family too - after 14 years I think it's ok to make that statement) then my uncle on moms side called and said he wanted to have dinner at his place with the family around 1:00 - what did I think. I call step mom and see if maybe we can consider doing it on Friday or they would just have to deal with the fact that I would be gone for a few hours but come back as it's about 30 minutes or so between the two houses. I can tell right away she is so not receptive to the idea. We argue back and forth as I explain that I do this every year and last year I spent Christmas with mom's side so I could have the entire day of Christmas with them this year....anyway, it ended with me saying I would email mom's side and see if they would entertain the idea of a Friday dinner. The next night, step mom calls me and said "Well, I got everything fixed since you decided not to spend the holiday with us. We are just going to my mom's house so you guys are welcome to come with us or meet us up there if you want. Her mom's house is 2 1/2 hours away from us normally. From my Uncle's house, make it 3 1/2, perhaps 4. I explained to her that I already asked my mom's side to change it and she goes "That's not what you said. You said you were going to spend it with them and then maybe come back by. Why should you cook just to drop off food and leave? I thought I was doing you a favor this way you could see everybody.

Yes, awesome of you to put me four hours away from both sides instead of 30 minutes. You know this pisser is the only person there I would be related to is my dad? And that is why for as much as I want to tell step mom to fuck off and would like to tell mom's side that I might be busy this year and just spend a nice, low key, low drama day with Nick, his daughter and the dogs - I will not because I want to see my dad. We are the rocks that keep each other sane at events like these and man this pisses me off to know I have to go and I don't want to, but that's a lot of what life is about.

Plus, I know how much holidays mean to him because the same woman who taught me to love them taught him to love them too.

Happy

Tonight I sit in front of my computer after just having made dinner for Nick and his daughter.

The game is on the TV with Nick watching intently.

Chico and Rachel (dogs) are on the couch.

And I am realizing that even with all the day to day worries of bills, work, sickness and everything else that comes with just being a regular, everyday person - that I am happy. And I've been happy for quite a few months now. Wow. What a feeling :)

This is it - for real this time

Dante leaves tomorrow morning at 9:00am and he won't be coming back. We have officially known each other 10 years now and through the good the bad and the ugly, he has always been within driving distance and if he was a phone call away, at least it was in the same time zone.

Not any more. One of my co-workers asked me yesterday how I was doing with it and at first the question caught me off guard and she said "You know, because this is it. Any relationship you had with him here is finally over." Right you are my friend, right you are.

For the last three weeks he has been busy with trying to spend as much time as possible with his kids, packing, selling furniture, his car etc. and to be honest I have seen him twice in the three weeks. I totally undertand why he's been away and spending time with the kids etc., but before he got the job offer, he would come over to the house at least once a day (much to Nick's irritation I'm sure - bless him for being such a trooper) and hear from him a few times a day by phone. As stated earlier, I've seen him twice in the last two weeks and talked to him for a combine total of 45 minutes. And I'm trying not to be a pissy little bitch about it and I am failing miserably.

I probably don't even have a right to feel sort of abandoned here at the end, but I do. By Dante. Again. Apparently I never did learn my lesson. Nick has even noticed how Dante has been all but absent lately. This after the female best friend abandonment (blog still in the works) just sucks ass. I know deep down it is for the best and probably a long time coming. On the other hand a loss is a loss and man, I'm tired of loss. When it is all said and done, I think this will finally put the past in the past and let me really move on with my future. Now I just have to find a new topic to blog about.

To Bevie - thank you for the note. As things are tough for everyone right now it's nice to know that some people genuinely just want to check in on you just because. Take good care ~

Bank of where???

So I read and article today on Fox News about a Marine from South Carolina who was killed in battle and his next door neighbor decided that she would plant flags along the route where his funeral precession went to honor his memory. Apparently, the chosen route passed in front of a Bank of America. Are we getting the name here people? BANK OF AMERICA. As the neighbor is planting these flags in the ground to show her support, the branch manger of this "Bank of America" comes out and starts pulling up the flags sighting "corporate policy" and said that BofA was not allowed to fly any flag, including the American flag etc.

Are you F-ing me? Has this country become so worried about political correctness that it's citizens a) can't honor their own soldiers and the folks who fight to protect it or b) be proud of their country because they are worried about offending another culture? Since when is being proud if your country such a terrible thing? It is a damn shame that the country so many people love would turn her back on them in such a way and it's a sad, sad day when you can't even show support at a funeral for someone because some other jackass who has nothing to do with it might be offended.

Fuck you and your stupid policies "Bank of America" and fuck the stupid branch manager who was such a corporate sell out that they either couldn't or wouldn't distinguish what was clearly the right thing to do.

Moving and such

Dante is moving. To Denver. Next week. And I am so sad.

Oh the irony! So if any cares to bother, start at the beginning of my blog and that will explain Dante in more detail. Short version - He was my ex of 7 years and one month before the wedding, he left me for someone else. That was 3 years ago, almost to the day. Now, we are the best of friends. Yes, I know. Shake your heads, yell , scream, ask me what the fuck is wrong with me and all I can tell you is I have no idea. As one of my favorite people in the whole world put it, "Honey, I can forgive, but I can't forget." That's my only defense.

Anyway, he has been put of work for almost 2 years now and just last week was flown to Denver for an interview. He was told Friday that they want him out there next week. For him, I am happy, for me, I am so sad. What else is making me sad is Dante's somewhat girlfriend Jodi. She joined the military, moved away a few weeks ago for training and came back last Saturday for a visit and isn't leaving until Tuesday. Which is when Dante leaves. I am the third wheel. I totally get why he ignores me (not necessarily on purpose) but in my own selfish way, all I can think I have seen my best friend almost every day for the better part of 10 years and next week he is moving and his time before he goes won't be spent with me.

I sound jealous, I feel jealous, I am jealous. He drives me crazy and I know that we would never, ever work out together again for multiple reasons, but I still wish that he would miss me with way I missed him. Too much more that I could ramble on about, but September sucks for me anyway and it looks like it's not getting any better as the years go by.

On the other hand, I am wondering if this won't be a really good thing too. Dante used to come over all the time to hang out with Nick and I (yes, even crazier I know) and Nick, bless him, has been a total trooper about it. I know he won't be sad to see Dante go and to be honest, it will give me even more time with Nick. It will be so different with Dante and the memories not being so close by and maybe this will be the last of the chains that still weigh me down from time to time.

Nick and I have now been together about 8 months now and I am really starting to fall in love with him and it's a very different kind of love and relationship than I had with Dante. For example: this morning, I has some concerns about the bills and asked if I could have a conversation with him about it. We sat on the couch, shut off the TV and I sat there and was able to really talk, not yell, accuse, justify or criticize, but just get off my chest what I was worried about and in turn, hear him and what his views and concerns were. In total, the conversation took maybe 10 minutes. Over all, it will last all day. What I mean is I said what I has to say and was able to have a good, calm talk with the man I love and it didn't blow up into some huge argument. What a novel idea.

Its all about the bitches

So I'm not sure how many of you out there breed dogs, have ever bred a dog or even just thought about it. I am just going to say right now that I am not dog-breeding material. So Nick has a black lab, Rachel, who is purebred, papered, and in heat. We really hadn't given much thought to any of this until we saw the nice blood stain on the comforter.

Guys - is it any wonder chicks get so bitchy around that time of the month? I mean really?

Anyway, so Rachel is in heat and my main man, Chico, is all about it. Problems: Chico is about 2 feet and 80 pounds too small for the job, not to mention that the poor guy is nut-less (got him from the pound and they fix them before they let them go). Other problems: he won't stop whining. At all. Ever. All night long. Even if he is in the same room with her. Jesus Fucking Christ. For the last three days all he has done is follow her around and cry. I don't even think he ate yesterday.

Then, we had taken a day trip to the City and when we came home our next door neighbor is waiting outside for us and - oops - looks like his dog broke down our fence and got it on with Rach. Awesome. Not papered or anything, so not as much money, but still, sweet tempered, pretty dog, so we were stoked. Nick and the neighbor decided they would get the dogs together the next day to "seal the deal" if you will.

6 hours later.....

I come home from work to see Nick and our neighbor all hot and irritable looking. I asked what happened and the response was (and I quote) "The dip-shit dog couldn't get it in and make it stick. I watched him spooge all over the ground like five times. I think the best part was her being so horny and him having to take naps in between." Needless to say, we will be trying again next week with my Aunt's dog. Keep you posted as I know more...

A lot of people like me, but only a few really know me - which is probably why so many people like me

I came to that conclusion earlier this afternoon and while I think I've always known it, I really actually payed attention to it for the first time today. It all started last Friday when my new boss asked me to take a personality test. I was a little surprised, but actually kind of pleased. I mean I have never had a boss who cared enough to see what my personality was all about and furthermore share with me the same about them. I took it as a good start to what will hopefully be a strong bond...

Anyway, so I take this Meyers-Briggs test and discover that I am an EFNJ. Basically, sensitive and hardworking, likes to be praised, dislikes criticism etc., etc., (even though most of us know how we are, it's still tough to read about yourself so blatant and open) but perhaps one of the things that stuck with me the most is how my "type" are people persons and being as such we tend to shift/shape our attitudes and behaviors from moment to moment based entirely on our present company not only to make our lives easier, but theirs as well.

To be honest, I know I do this - I read people pretty well and sometimes change the tone of my voice or my energy level to accommodate certain people whom I know I speak or move too fast for, but how often do I do unconsciously? Today, I decided to not only watch my reactions to people, but also made it a point to stand firm on certain issues with my true self "Don't-give-me-any-of-your-bullshit-cause-I-won't-take-it" attitude and let me tell you kids, I don't think people like the real me. Not that I am a bitch (which I sure can be) but I am not always the self sacrificing door mat that others would like to take me for. Generally I do try and cater to other because quite frankly, it makes my life easier, but when I don't people seem to chalk it up to "stress" or "having too much on my plate" at the moment?

Wouldn't they be surprised if they really knew what my "type" is? Hence the conclusion that so many people like me because so many of them have no idea who I really am.

Back again

Hi all - brief run down:

Nick and I just celebrated 6 months together - I'm just as surprised as you are.

Dante is moving to Illinois - I'm so not ready for that to happen. Holy stink.

Job - got promoted and someone got let go cause of me. Feeling like an asshole for no reason?

Friends - Got dumped by my best friend and it hurts just as bad as when Dante left me. That blog is currently in the works.

Started taking hot yoga - the difference inside and out is amazing already.

~Later gators

Marriage - Maybe just cohabitate instead

I just got finished reading an article on MSNBC which was a blip from the Today Show about a female author who has after 20 years of marriage has decided to call it quits. (roll your mouse below to see the link)

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31452178

To be honest, as I'm reading her surprisingly open story about her own experiences and views on the woe's or marriage, a part of me wanted badly to disagree with her, say she was wrong and that marriage could be a wonderful thing if people would just work at it...so what happened with Dante and me? Oh that's right! Both people have to be willing to work towards the same goal and deal with all the other obstacles that arise along the way. Same goal being the operative word.

It was actually very disheartening to read about how one man said that his "heart actually drops when my wife comes in the room" and not just for her, but for him too because ladies, I know some of you feel the same way about your men. To hear that a majority of women would rather have a house-husband if you will and maybe a infrequently-seen fling on the side from time to time would be ideal just rocked me. Sure, I have joked about it and yes, if you have three guys side by side, they will all have a quality that the other doesn't making each unique and perhaps one can give you something at one time the other can't but does that give us the ok to live in a Brave New World society just yet? Everyone enjoy everyone else for the sake of happiness and self pleasure? Maybe not. A little too Buring Man for me.

But how many others feel the same way as the author? More than I want know about I'm sure. The fear of being labeled a failure by society, friends, family and even our kids can make men and women alike stay in relationships that make them miserable for the sake of pleasing others. What a sad existence when you think about it.

I won't ruin the article by lamenting about my views, but it just made me sad and at the same time realize how true it rings of society today. In her closing paragraph, her advice was that everyone, men and women alike, should save their selves the heart ache and forgo marriage.

For me personally, I will always hold out hope that I too will have what my parents had - the love and patience to stay with each other no matter what, till death did they part.

Bittersweet

I haven't blogged in weeks and really, I miss it. Work has been crazy busy but it is going fantastic, so I can't complain. Ok, spoiler alert here - yes, I moved in with Nick and we still have yet to have the first major fight >:) Totally different situation I guess which brings me to tonight's topic - Dante.

Read back if you must, but Dante and I were together for 7 years and have known each other about 10 now. Lots of good stuff has happened to him recently and we have actually become pretty close again since I've moved in with Nick. He comes to have lunch with me at work, I see him on the weekends, and we talk almost every day. Yes, Nick is aware of it, can't say he likes it much, not that I would in his situation, but then again, Nick is still technically married. To the second wife. Yah, back the fuck up off me son. Anyway, I keep digressing. The point is Dante has been staying with his mom the last few weeks waiting for his apartment to become available. In that time he met someone and even though they aren't "dating" per say, it's totally the beginning of something. He spends a lot of his time with her, talks about her a lot to me now and asked me if I would meet her. Which of course I will. I knew it would happen sooner or later and I have asked Dante to do the same with me regarding Nick and he did and still does.

What I didn't expect is that it would still hurt.

I feel like an ass. It's been 3 years, he has done so much to me but still, it hurts to know he didn't/doesn't want me. Again. Silly I know. Things did indeed work out for the best and Nick is wonderful, but I guess there will always be that feeling in me. It's not that I want him necessarily, but it was that he was once mine and I don't want anyone else to have him. It feels kinda like when you hit your funny bone, but there is nothing really funny about it at all, at least not to you because no matter what you call it, there is an unpleasant feeling and it still hurts.

Where in the world is Mia?

Wondering exactly what I'm doing that's what! Hi everyone, all is well. I have moved and just gotten my Internet up and kickin. Time to pick up where I left off, so yes, more backtracking.

Quick updates:
Still have not seen the firefighter since January (haven't technically broken up with him either - yikes!)
The MySpace guy - tracked me down on Live Chat, messenger etc. Thinks he is still in love with me...
Dante and I - almost friends again.
Most suprisingly, still together with Nick. Go figure