Sunday, June 28, 2009

Marriage - Maybe just cohabitate instead

I just got finished reading an article on MSNBC which was a blip from the Today Show about a female author who has after 20 years of marriage has decided to call it quits. (roll your mouse below to see the link)

To be honest, as I'm reading her surprisingly open story about her own experiences and views on the woe's or marriage, a part of me wanted badly to disagree with her, say she was wrong and that marriage could be a wonderful thing if people would just work at what happened with Dante and me? Oh that's right! Both people have to be willing to work towards the same goal and deal with all the other obstacles that arise along the way. Same goal being the operative word.

It was actually very disheartening to read about how one man said that his "heart actually drops when my wife comes in the room" and not just for her, but for him too because ladies, I know some of you feel the same way about your men. To hear that a majority of women would rather have a house-husband if you will and maybe a infrequently-seen fling on the side from time to time would be ideal just rocked me. Sure, I have joked about it and yes, if you have three guys side by side, they will all have a quality that the other doesn't making each unique and perhaps one can give you something at one time the other can't but does that give us the ok to live in a Brave New World society just yet? Everyone enjoy everyone else for the sake of happiness and self pleasure? Maybe not. A little too Buring Man for me.

But how many others feel the same way as the author? More than I want know about I'm sure. The fear of being labeled a failure by society, friends, family and even our kids can make men and women alike stay in relationships that make them miserable for the sake of pleasing others. What a sad existence when you think about it.

I won't ruin the article by lamenting about my views, but it just made me sad and at the same time realize how true it rings of society today. In her closing paragraph, her advice was that everyone, men and women alike, should save their selves the heart ache and forgo marriage.

For me personally, I will always hold out hope that I too will have what my parents had - the love and patience to stay with each other no matter what, till death did they part.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009


I haven't blogged in weeks and really, I miss it. Work has been crazy busy but it is going fantastic, so I can't complain. Ok, spoiler alert here - yes, I moved in with Nick and we still have yet to have the first major fight >:) Totally different situation I guess which brings me to tonight's topic - Dante.

Read back if you must, but Dante and I were together for 7 years and have known each other about 10 now. Lots of good stuff has happened to him recently and we have actually become pretty close again since I've moved in with Nick. He comes to have lunch with me at work, I see him on the weekends, and we talk almost every day. Yes, Nick is aware of it, can't say he likes it much, not that I would in his situation, but then again, Nick is still technically married. To the second wife. Yah, back the fuck up off me son. Anyway, I keep digressing. The point is Dante has been staying with his mom the last few weeks waiting for his apartment to become available. In that time he met someone and even though they aren't "dating" per say, it's totally the beginning of something. He spends a lot of his time with her, talks about her a lot to me now and asked me if I would meet her. Which of course I will. I knew it would happen sooner or later and I have asked Dante to do the same with me regarding Nick and he did and still does.

What I didn't expect is that it would still hurt.

I feel like an ass. It's been 3 years, he has done so much to me but still, it hurts to know he didn't/doesn't want me. Again. Silly I know. Things did indeed work out for the best and Nick is wonderful, but I guess there will always be that feeling in me. It's not that I want him necessarily, but it was that he was once mine and I don't want anyone else to have him. It feels kinda like when you hit your funny bone, but there is nothing really funny about it at all, at least not to you because no matter what you call it, there is an unpleasant feeling and it still hurts.


My photo
31 years old, no where near where I thought I would be at this age and damned curious to see what lies around the next corner...