Wednesday, December 31, 2008

See ya next year - part one

So Monday night the fire fighter calls me and says that his brother, sister-in-law and nephew were in town and asked if I wanted to come up to his place for dinner. I said sure, left work a little early and headed up the hill to see him. And, I am a nervous wreck. I haven't seen him since my birthday and I'm totally stoked to see him and sweating bullets to meet the family. You never know. Some people are super critical and protective of their family members, but I was hoping for the best.


I get off work a little early and being the planner I am, I brought a pair of jeans, t-shirt and sweat shirt with me in case I wanted to change, but I decided to stay in my work clothes cause I was wearing a super cute and very curve showing off outfit and thought it would look more presentable so decided not to change before I get up there. It takes me about an hour to get there and I am pleasantly surprised to see that there is snow on the ground. I have lived in this general area for about 27 years and there has only been one time that I ever remember it snowing here and I was about 5. It took all the snow we had in the front yard to make a snowman about 2 feet high so it was kind of a nice surprise not to expect it and see it. Anyway, so I pull into his place and see like three other cars there. I pull on my jacket, get out of the car and start to walk towards the small group of people when he sees me and comes over to give me a hug. He says "Oh, Adan and Roger from the firehouse came by today to do some dirt bike riding and they decided to stay for dinner too." Yea! Just when I thought I couldn't get anymore nervous! So the first person I meet is his brother and I go to shake his hand and he says "Can I have a hug?" Ok, good start. At least they are not uptight or anything. I then get introduced to the rest of his family and friends and they were awesome. We stood outside around a bond fire he built in the snow (which was so fucking cool to do) and drank beer and BBQed until his brother had a little too much to drink and we had to move it inside because he well, fell into the fire among other places more than once. Anyway, towards the end of the night the firefighter went out to tend to the bond fire so I decided to slip put with him to get a little one on one time. We ended up standing outside for about 45 minutes in the freezing cold, no jackets, warmed by the bond fire and neither of us giving a shit about being cold. We hugged, talked, made out, laughed, got serious, stood silent and just enjoyed the time together. The awkwardness is all but gone and if there were perhaps a spark between us before, it is now a full blown blaze. All night long he kept telling me how sexy I looked and how he can't stop thinking about me and all these other unbelievable things that women only fantasize about any man saying to them let alone a fucking super hot firefighter.

If this is a dream, please don't wake me up.

By now it's getting to be around 10:30 and I still have an hour drive home from the mountains and I have to work tomorrow so we head inside so I can say goodbye to everyone. They are great, both hug me goodbye, his buddies hug me goodbye and he walks me to my car where we stand there and make out like kids for the next 10 minutes. Finally, I pry myself away and drive home grinning like an idiot. About 45 minutes later he calls to make sure that I am getting home safely then texts me about 20 minutes after that to say that he wants to meet me fore New Years Eve and to call him after work tomorrow etc...

Oh man. I am so stinking excited that I can barley contain myself. I text him back that I'm down and I'll call him when I get home. The next night after work I give him a call and he says that hes heading down to his cousins, but he doesn't sound like his normal self, so I ask if he's ok. He says that his brother became even more inebriated after I left (which I just didn't even want to fathom) and that the whole day had really just been sort of a trial. Ah, funny, because of Dante, my afternoon became jacked up as well. Too long of a story to tell, but Dante and I were supposed to hang out that night and celebrate New Year's. All kinds of shit happened at work so I went to see one of my friends to talk about everything and called Dante to say I was going to be late. He got upset and said "Are you coming over or not?" and I said "Eventually" which pissed him off cause he thought I was going out with the firefighter. Fool. I knew it was not to be with the firefighter that night and really, I was ok with it. The whole end of the day went sota shitty and then I got reamed by Dante who is (finally!) getting a taste of his own medicine. I called him a little later on to ask if I was done being mad at me for no reason and he cut me of and said to call him tomorrow. You know what guy? Ok. So I went home and celebrated my way with Chico and the cats and ended up falling asleep on the couch around 11:30. Sadly, the firefighter text me at 11:52 to tell me there was patchy fog, but he made it home. I didn't get the message till 2:40am. :( I text him anyway and went back to sleep.

The day after New Years Day he called me about 1:45 and I asked him to come for dinner Saturday and he said yes and to call him after work to make plans. Then I said to myself "You do realize that he is probably going to stay the night right?" As Sam from Quantum Leap would say "Oh boy"...

Monday, December 15, 2008

Second verse, same as the first

Today at work I got tickets to the King's basketball game tonight and I immediately thought of the firefighter. When we first started dating, I had gotten tickets and we went together and had the best time. It was also the first time I got to see him with his mohawk in full effect...

The plus to it being winter is that it is off season so he has extra time now to do things, but when the weather gets bad and the roads get icy (he lives in the mountains) he really doesn't like to drive down the hill (which I totally can't blame him) while I on the other hand don't like him to drink and drive home, especially in those conditions. In any event I figured that I would give it a shot and maybe if he did come down he could just stay the night and...


I called him at 11:30 and he said that he was in the middle of a burn which was tough cause there was 2 feet of snow on the ground, but he wanted to go and would call me later to let me know. Ok, kind of a dick move on my part, but I was kinda thinking the firefighter was out so I text Dante and asked if either of the boys were free so I could take one of them to the game. He calls back and leaves me this message: "Hi, yeah, I'm sure one of them would want to go, but which one are you going to take? Remember Gabe's knee and Elijah hasn't been feeling good today, but I could ever go with you if you want. Just let me know." I got to thinking about it and its like how the hell can I choose between the boys? I only had two tickets. Grrr. Dante and I have been getting along ok and I at least know that he doesn't drink, so I could have a beer and he would be my designated driver. Safety first and all. So I hold off on calling Dante back until I hear from the firefighter (I know, I know, but there's always hope). I'm pulling into the garage around 5:30 and the firefighter calls. he tells me the roads have iced over and it's snowing again so he's really sorry, but he's going to stay up there tonight. I say no worries and really, I was thinking it was going to work out for the best anyway, so we've agreed to meet up this weekend. I now send Dante a text (his phone has been shut off for 2 weeks, but it still gets texts) saying "I'm taking you so be ready by 6:45." I'm on my way over and he calls, asks how far away I am and then asks me if I can take him to pick something up real quick before we go. I say sure and show up at his place 10 minutes later. I knock on the door, no answer. I go next door to his sisters and they have not seen him. I go across the street to see him hanging out with the neighbors. Cool people I will give them that. So as we are getting ready to leave he says to me "We better hurry and go get this if we are going so we aren't late" then I hear him say "We'll be back in just a few minutes" to the neighbors. Thought it was a little weird and it doesn't yet sink it quite yet. Then we are in the car and he says let me borrow your phone so I can call Jess and let him know we are close. I give him my phone and he calls his M-Fing crank dealer. People, he is doing all this sitting right next to me. How stupid are you guy? Did you think that I would miss the fact that you called Jess another name? Then he hangs up and says "You know, I'm not feeling well, so maybe you should have one of the boys go with you. Plus, I forgot I have to run Dan's house and drop off some stuff I borrowed from him"

Really? So 15 minutes ago when you called and said you were ready to go to the game, you were feeling great and didn't have someplace else to be? More like you really had no intention of going with me. You wanted me to come over and drive you around to pick up your shit, then give me on lame ass excuse after another. Oh and at this time, the game has already started, great free seats and I'm missing it for this shit. I mentioned that he must not have been too bad as he was hanging out at the neighbors house getting high - which abruptly started another fight. Whatever. I ended up taking his son and we had such a good time. The won by 20 points and I was able just to laugh and have fun which was what I really wanted to do all along. I text Dante on the way home and he called me back - from the neighbors - and said text me when you get close so I can go home and open the door for you guys. I hung up the phone and Elijah looks at me and says "Is the phone off? " I say yes and he said "I just didn't want him to overhear, but he's obviously not that sick if he feels good enough to go hang out at the neighbors the whole time we were gone." What do I say to that? Yeah, I know. Anyway, so once again, I take the title of Queen of the Lame Asses. Foiled again by trying to give Dante the benefit of the doubt. Oh well. in the bigger and perhaps the most important picture, I realized I got exactly what I wanted without having to even pay for a beer.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Vintage Mia

The day after my birthday, was a long one and next year, I am for damn sure taking that day off - I got to work that morning, got out of my car, walked over to the curb, tripped, fell, landed - hard - on my hands & knees and yard-saled the entire contents of my purse. And did I mention that while all this was happening, a hot, young tax attorney I work with (just turned 26 - freakin hot) chose this particular moment to pull up in his beamer? And the biggest pisser of all? I dropped my just opened 1/2 liter bottle of Diet Coke and foamed the shit out of it. I was slightly hung over and all I wanted was a freaking deliciously cold Diet Coke. We've all got something we crave the next morning after a night of drinking right? Man, that really pissed me off. Anyway, I look back over my shoulder to see this guy Jay, pull up and ask me If I'm ok. Shit. This figures, but I had to start laughing because what the hell else do you do? Sadly, I've done more embarrassing things...Anyway, I pick myself up off the ground, get my stuff and turn around and he says "Don't worry, it always seems more embarrassing than it really is."

Um, no. I hate to correct you son, but that was pretty fucking embarrassing. I at least had enough spunk to say "You know what really pissed me off about all this? I foamed my soda". In reality, I wanted to sit on the ground, grab my knees and cry. It hurt so bad. I have a huge bruise on one leg, a gash on the other, both skinned knees and a skinned ankle. I am totally amazed that my pants didn't rip and I guarantee that I will be buying the same brand again. Anyway, Jay laughed and we walked and chatted on the way into work. On the upshot, there is absolutely no easier way to get someone comfortable with you that to make a complete ass of yourself unexpectedly. Par for the course when you're me.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Happy birthday to me!

The night before my birthday, I was actually feeling the pre-big day excitement that you used to feel when you turned a fun age like 16, 18 or 21. Took Chico for my annual "Night before your birthday walk around the block and reminisce about the previous year" walk. It's a pretty therapeutic process anyway. Kinda taking stock of how far I've come and the stuff I've accomplished etc. Anyway, so I was totally in a great mood went to bed about 12:15 after singing to myself and slept great. I was awoken by a phone call around 6:15 from Dante's mom who sang me happy birthday, then Dante's son called me around 7:00 to say the same and yet, I was surprised I hadn't heard from Dante himself - especially because he is supposed to pick up the car I'm driving to physically take it to traffic court for a ticket he got. Mind you I had called him about 4 times the previous day because earlier in the week he kept saying that he might just stay the night, take me to work, take the car then go to court or at least just pick it up that morning cause he needed it either way. Whatever guy, just at least have the courtesy to let me know ahead of time what you want to do. What you don't do is call me 10 minutes before I leave for work and ask me to meet you 15 minutes out of my way because you are running late for court. Here is precisely how the conversation went:

M: Hello?

D: Happy birthday.

M: Awe, thank you very much. How are you? (I was actually nice. Hell, I was in a good mood)

D: I'm ok, hey listen you wouldn't want to meet me over off of the freeway by the court would you?

(Ok folks, it's my birthday, I'm in the middle of putting my makeup on and now, I'm down to 5 minutes before I HAVE to leave to make it to work on time in traffic. Oh and the court house? In the opposite direction off of the freeway in morning rush hour traffic. I don't think so Tim.)

M: No, not really. I'm just getting ready to leave and I still have to walk Chico...
D: Fine. Whatever. I guess I will just won't have it for court then. Whatever, I still have to get there by 8:30 for my other ticket. I will just figure something out like always.

At this point I hear him move the phone away to snap at his daughter 'Knock it off Amanda, I am not in the mood' then says to me: I'll just talk to you later. Then hung up.

So I got a little upset because it really hurt my feelings; I'm ashamed to admit it even made me cry a little. And then I also remembered seeing his freaking ticket in the middle console of the car. Crap. Because I guess I am a glutton for punishment and didn't want to start my day off on a down note, plus I wasn't sure if he needed it or not so I called him back.

D: Hello?

M: Hey your ticket is in the middle console of the car, do you need it?

D: No, why would I need that? I already have the court paperwork, so that is irrelevant.
Wondering why the fuck I even called him back I say Dante, this is not my fault...

D: I know that. I didn't say this was your fault ok, I'm just having a bad fucking day ok?
M: That's not my fault either so don't take it out on me then
D: You know what then just don't deal with me then
M: No problem

Then it was my turn to hang up. I sat there thinking fuck this guy. I am so fed up of this shit. What really sad is that the people he rents his new place from are dope fiends too, just like his girlfriend and best friend. For awhile he had actually stopped, put some weight back on and everyone was getting along with him, including me. Now, since he moved in, you can totally tell and he never calls, comes around and pretty much ignores me. That and I refuse to give him money any more. Funny how when one runs out the other does too. He just becomes really rude and insensitive when he does that shit and he just doesn't care what he says or does to anyone, not just me. I have lived with a drug abuser before and know the signs and symptoms, still doesn't make it hurt any less sometimes though. Then I thought "Today is my birthday and I am not letting him ruin it for me" wiped my eyes and went to work - where this other lady in another department just doesn't like me. Not sure why (I know I can be irritatingly chipper) but she just really doesn't care for me and makes not attempt to hide it. Still technically pretty new to the whole law thing as my project has pretty much kept me working at my old job where I was laid off from (hilarious huh?) You know, people who are crappy to you on your birthday suck some serious ass. So I'm asked to look for this file and everyone else I asked said this chick has it. Great. So I walk into her office, politely ask if I'm interrupting as I have a quick question. She had been typing, so she stops, sighs, swivels her chair around and said "What exactly are you looking for?" I tell her and she says "I don't know why you're even here. I don't have it. As a mater of fact, I know it's in the library." I said "Ok, thank you very much, I'll check there." I start to walk out and she gives one of those shitty little belittling laughs and says "Um, you do know you need a key for that file cabinet right?" Sighs again, then reaches into her drawer to get me this elusive key. Even fucking better. I'm trying to take the high road here so I say "Great, thanks so much. I'll bring it right back." I get over to the file cabinet, opened it up and you know what? The file I need is NOT THERE. Fuck. SO I lock it up, head back to her office and now her door is closed. God, you are such a bitch lady. I go back to my desk, tell the other chick I work with about it and she goes "Don't worry about her. She's just pissed cause her office is a shit hole and it's right under her fucking nose. Don't worry ok?" Not that in the light of eternity that this incident will matter, but still, I was feeling a little emotional as I do on all holidays or special days cause I miss my mom. The morning Dante conversation sucked and this was sure not helping my mood either. I was determined to pull my head out and enjoy the day no matter what. I was stoked because earlier in the week I talked to the firefighter and it was good. He apologized several times for seeming distant and it was a good talk. He asked what I was doing for my birthday and I said I was going bowling with my dad and step mom (not real exciting - the big party is tomorrow night - but this is sorta a yearly birthday tradition for me we started and fuck it, we all actually end up having a great time) and he said that he would like to come down and go with us. I said that I would love to have him join us, but it was Thursday night and we weren't even going to get together till 7:00 or so and I knew he had to work Friday morning. He said not to worry, it was off-season so he could be a little late if he needed to etc. So he called again the Wed. night to get directions to my dads and said he was still planning on being there and even if he had to work overtime he'd be off by 5:30 and still make it in time, but he'd still call me after work. Fast forward - the kinda crappy happenings of my birthday day are brushed off by the fact that I am going to spend my birthday with my firefighter, dad and step mom together. We all spent Easter together and had a blast, so I knew this would be fun, plus I was so freaking excited just to see him. Since this new found "life revelation"or whatever the hell it is that I'm having, I've lost about 25 pounds and 15 of those were since the last time we saw each other on Halloween. And I have to say that I think and felt like I looked really good that day. My confidence level actually sort of surprised me. Anyway, so these are the thoughts that are making my day even better and 5:30 rolls around and I head home anticipating this phone call thinking to myself "he's coming. You know he's coming. You drove up there for his birthday and it's off season. He's not going to flake or be called to a fire today." The traffic is horrendous. Accidents on every freeway; traffic packed everywhere assholes to elbows. Mother fuck. So it takes me about 45 minutes to drive home instead of the usual 20 and I still need to change, walk the dog, my feet were killing me from the heels and - I still hadn't heard from the firefighter. So now its 6:15 and I decide to call him first to let him know that we aren't going to meet up till closer to eight and to see if he still wanted to make the drive etc. and I get his voicemail. Swell. So I leave a message and decide to chill for a bit because I'm waiting for traffic to die down before I go anywhere. I relax, shower, change, walk the dog and it is now 7:00 and no call from the firefighter. Yeah. So now the thoughts running though my mind are sorta like this:

He's not coming; Just because you haven't heard from him doesn't mean that he's not coming, maybe he's working late.

This isn't like him. You know if he could call you he would. Really? Remember how distant he was these past few weeks? Seriously Mia - he's called you three times since Monday and said he was coming every time. Just relax and see what happens. It's your birthday.

What the fuck is wrong with me??? How come I cannot seem to ever have a freaking normal relationship with someone? How is it that super fat chicks, ugly chicks, bitchy chicks - I mean fuck man - even some chicks in prison, I mean murders for chrissakes, have husbands and boyfriends. It has been over two years since Dante and you and you haven't even had a real relationship. What am I doing wrong? Am I just freaking destined to be alone?

Ok man, get a grip. You are so freaking out over nothing and you know what? Oh well. You are going to go and have a good time. It's still your birthday, your 30th at that, and you are going to go out and have a great time.

He probably had to work overtime and isn't getting reception. You know that really happens. he's not a liar like Dante. Don't make him a bad guy...

And round and round like so until I just said fuck it. It's 7:15 and I've waited long enough, I'm off to my dads., grabbed my bowling ball and left. Still feeling that kinda shitty disappointed feeling when you realize that something you were really, really looking forward to isn't going to happen after all. So I get into the car, pull out onto the road and - of course - my cell phone rings.

It's him.

I am suddenly happy and apprehensive at the same time.

See? I told you he would call you! You freaked out for nothing.
Oh man. Please don't be saying you just got off work and won't be making it. Fuck. Just be prepared to hear it.

M: Hello?

FF: Hey there! Happy birthday.

M: Why thank you. How was your day?

FF: Good, long and short at the same time. So what are you doing?

M: Just now heading to my dads. What about you?

FF: Just driving. How long till you get there cause I just got off the freeway by your dads house..;

Complete 180. I am so happy and grin like and idiot from ear to ear, say 15 minutes and hall ass.

But a quick hindsight look:
So, not good that I was really that upset over the possibility of this guy not coming. Hello Mia? Not basing your happiness on someone else and making you happy first remember? However, I was extremely glad that I pulled my head out, still made sure I looked good and didn't wimp out on going bowling or dressing up just because I really thought he wasn't going to show and was disappointed. Baby steps.

I get to my dads, the firefighter gets lost on the way there, which actually worked out well cause I was able to beat him to my dad's. Would still be sorta awkward for him if he got there first. Anyway, about 10 minutes later I hear his truck pull up in front of the house. Tee-hee. He rings the door bell, so I open the door and he is standing there in his jeans, leather jacket and baseball hat, looking fine as hell I might add, holding out the most beautiful bouquet of flowers for me and a six pack of beer. I look at this guy and think "Holy shit. If end up marrying this guy, my first and last name is going to rhyme." No, really, I mean it. it would be like my very own a Seinfeld episode. I open the door and we hug, he comes in, sees the family and it's just like old times. We drink, laugh, make jokes, and just have fun together. And he and I are like magnets, for lack of yet another equally cheesy word, and I could not have been feeling happier or more confident. And what was kinda striking me as odd is while we were sitting on the couch, when we would actually have to turn to face each other, it seems like every time he looked at me full on, it was like he was looking at me for the first time and he liked what he saw. Believe me, so did I. So we head to the bowling alley to eat dinner at the counter (tradition), then go bowl a few games. The whole time, the firefighter and I are laughing, joking, and he was always putting his arm around me or kissing the top of my head - everything I had hoped it would be. There was none of the awkwardness, silence or unsurety that was there over Halloween. Even all the past few weeks and the lack of communication and obvious uncomfortably we both had seemed to vanish. After bowling we go back to my dad's house for cake and ice cream (If you're keeping up with the timeline, you will know it's after midnight right now and we both have to be at work by 8 and he's still an hour away from home. I open presents, eat cake and ice cream and by 12:45, it's time to go. We walk out together. Hug, kiss, hug some more and I tell him that I wish he was coming home with me, but to call me when he get home to let me know he got there ok. He said he would, hugged and kissed me again and we parted ways. About 10 minutes later my cell phone rings and it's him. I'm thinking that he was lost again so I answer and he said "I have a question - why am I driving away from you right now? All I can think is that I should be following her home right now. That's all sweetie, anyway, you drive home safe and I will call you when I get home."

I am floored. That is one of the nicest and most romantic things anyone has ever said to me. Ever. Still ridiculously smitten with this guy as well as confused. I still can't help but wonder if it will stay like this. He calls about 1:45am to let me know he's home and says "You know what? I miss you already. I'm going to see my mom for her birthday this weekend, but I will see you soon I promise." I tell him I miss him too, can't wait to see him etc. then go to bed with a smile on my face.

Next year, I'm taking the day after my birthday off no matter what.

Pic of the birthday roses :)


My photo
31 years old, no where near where I thought I would be at this age and damned curious to see what lies around the next corner...