Friday, September 25, 2009

This is it - for real this time

Dante leaves tomorrow morning at 9:00am and he won't be coming back. We have officially known each other 10 years now and through the good the bad and the ugly, he has always been within driving distance and if he was a phone call away, at least it was in the same time zone.

Not any more. One of my co-workers asked me yesterday how I was doing with it and at first the question caught me off guard and she said "You know, because this is it. Any relationship you had with him here is finally over." Right you are my friend, right you are.

For the last three weeks he has been busy with trying to spend as much time as possible with his kids, packing, selling furniture, his car etc. and to be honest I have seen him twice in the three weeks. I totally undertand why he's been away and spending time with the kids etc., but before he got the job offer, he would come over to the house at least once a day (much to Nick's irritation I'm sure - bless him for being such a trooper) and hear from him a few times a day by phone. As stated earlier, I've seen him twice in the last two weeks and talked to him for a combine total of 45 minutes. And I'm trying not to be a pissy little bitch about it and I am failing miserably.

I probably don't even have a right to feel sort of abandoned here at the end, but I do. By Dante. Again. Apparently I never did learn my lesson. Nick has even noticed how Dante has been all but absent lately. This after the female best friend abandonment (blog still in the works) just sucks ass. I know deep down it is for the best and probably a long time coming. On the other hand a loss is a loss and man, I'm tired of loss. When it is all said and done, I think this will finally put the past in the past and let me really move on with my future. Now I just have to find a new topic to blog about.

To Bevie - thank you for the note. As things are tough for everyone right now it's nice to know that some people genuinely just want to check in on you just because. Take good care ~

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Bank of where???

So I read and article today on Fox News about a Marine from South Carolina who was killed in battle and his next door neighbor decided that she would plant flags along the route where his funeral precession went to honor his memory. Apparently, the chosen route passed in front of a Bank of America. Are we getting the name here people? BANK OF AMERICA. As the neighbor is planting these flags in the ground to show her support, the branch manger of this "Bank of America" comes out and starts pulling up the flags sighting "corporate policy" and said that BofA was not allowed to fly any flag, including the American flag etc.

Are you F-ing me? Has this country become so worried about political correctness that it's citizens a) can't honor their own soldiers and the folks who fight to protect it or b) be proud of their country because they are worried about offending another culture? Since when is being proud if your country such a terrible thing? It is a damn shame that the country so many people love would turn her back on them in such a way and it's a sad, sad day when you can't even show support at a funeral for someone because some other jackass who has nothing to do with it might be offended.

Fuck you and your stupid policies "Bank of America" and fuck the stupid branch manager who was such a corporate sell out that they either couldn't or wouldn't distinguish what was clearly the right thing to do.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Moving and such

Dante is moving. To Denver. Next week. And I am so sad.

Oh the irony! So if any cares to bother, start at the beginning of my blog and that will explain Dante in more detail. Short version - He was my ex of 7 years and one month before the wedding, he left me for someone else. That was 3 years ago, almost to the day. Now, we are the best of friends. Yes, I know. Shake your heads, yell , scream, ask me what the fuck is wrong with me and all I can tell you is I have no idea. As one of my favorite people in the whole world put it, "Honey, I can forgive, but I can't forget." That's my only defense.

Anyway, he has been put of work for almost 2 years now and just last week was flown to Denver for an interview. He was told Friday that they want him out there next week. For him, I am happy, for me, I am so sad. What else is making me sad is Dante's somewhat girlfriend Jodi. She joined the military, moved away a few weeks ago for training and came back last Saturday for a visit and isn't leaving until Tuesday. Which is when Dante leaves. I am the third wheel. I totally get why he ignores me (not necessarily on purpose) but in my own selfish way, all I can think I have seen my best friend almost every day for the better part of 10 years and next week he is moving and his time before he goes won't be spent with me.

I sound jealous, I feel jealous, I am jealous. He drives me crazy and I know that we would never, ever work out together again for multiple reasons, but I still wish that he would miss me with way I missed him. Too much more that I could ramble on about, but September sucks for me anyway and it looks like it's not getting any better as the years go by.

On the other hand, I am wondering if this won't be a really good thing too. Dante used to come over all the time to hang out with Nick and I (yes, even crazier I know) and Nick, bless him, has been a total trooper about it. I know he won't be sad to see Dante go and to be honest, it will give me even more time with Nick. It will be so different with Dante and the memories not being so close by and maybe this will be the last of the chains that still weigh me down from time to time.

Nick and I have now been together about 8 months now and I am really starting to fall in love with him and it's a very different kind of love and relationship than I had with Dante. For example: this morning, I has some concerns about the bills and asked if I could have a conversation with him about it. We sat on the couch, shut off the TV and I sat there and was able to really talk, not yell, accuse, justify or criticize, but just get off my chest what I was worried about and in turn, hear him and what his views and concerns were. In total, the conversation took maybe 10 minutes. Over all, it will last all day. What I mean is I said what I has to say and was able to have a good, calm talk with the man I love and it didn't blow up into some huge argument. What a novel idea.


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31 years old, no where near where I thought I would be at this age and damned curious to see what lies around the next corner...

Things to Ponder