Here we go again

I am getting to the point where I just think it would be better to be by myself. Not that It's really a far stretch from where I am now, but I mean swearing off everyone - friends, family, everyone. So my latest worry is about my new guy - can I call him that? If I'm lucky I see him twice a month. He's a firefighter and I totally understand how busy he is especially around this time of the year, but now worry is starting to set in. We have talked at least every other day since March and he is really a great guy. If he's such a great guy, why won't he call back? Are you sure you are just not getting dumped? I wish I knew. Last time we talked was the day before father's day and I was on my way home from my dads and he called and said that he was in town at his cousins house and he would like to meet up for drinks. I said sure, that I just had to stop by the house and change into some dry clothes. About 10 minutes later he called and said "Guess what?" I said "You got called to a fire" you see, that had happened like the last five times we were going to meet up. He said that they had to be rolling out by 6:00am so he was going go back home which actually worked for me cause I was kinda tired from swimming and BBQ-ing at my dad's house. He called me later on that night around 10:00 before he lost reception and called me his overtime good luck charm. I laughed and told him that I understood it was his busy season, but if he started pulling this shit around Christmas I would start to get suspicious. We both laughed and I told him to call me when he could and let me know he was ok and he said he would then said good night. That was six days ago. His work and personal cell phones have both gone right to voice mail since Monday. What if something happened to him? How would I ever find out? Can I take it again if something really did happen? If he is ok and just out of range, could I really be ok with caring about and possibly falling in love with someone that I couldn't get a hold of? In my heart of hearts I think that if he could call me he would. Why does this always happen to me? What is it about me starting to care about someone and before I know it - HA HA! GONE AGAIN! Oh, wipe those tears; try again! Maybe this one will really like you and treat you right. Maybe this one will not leave you for someone else and break your heart. Then again, maybe he will, so keep trying. There are still a few places in your heart that look like they are in good shape and filled with hope. You know how I feel about that. Can have you holding onto to much hope now. I guess it might be called a numb worry, but I'm not sure. I guess I will do what I have always done best. Wait and see.