AAA/DMV

It seems like everywhere you look, on the back of on old person's car you will see a AAA sticker. I remember noticing that around the ripe old age of 16 after I started driving and immediately associated it with the elderly and wanted nothing to do with it after that. 'What kind of a geezer has AAA?'

Well, now I am that kind of geezer, a mere 16 years later. Aside from the fact it's like 50 bucks a year and (my very favorite part) the DMV service! Are you shitting me? All of these years that I have wasted time at the DMV, either waiting in line, helped by some rude jackass who can't understand me cause I can't understand them, being handed back paperwork to go and fix because I wrote the date on the wrong line or some lame thing, having to get out of one line and into another - and AAA has a DMV window at their offices the whole time?!?! Where that can do all this stuff and more? Without an appointment? Where I have never waited more than 20 minutes total? What a great idea!

Then I vaguely remember my aunts voice in my head over the years telling me she was going to run over to AAA on her lunch to go renew her tags, get her license plates etc. and I thought that she must have meant the DMV - I mean both three letters right? Easy mistake? Nope. So really, I have known about this for a long time, but never made the connection. Silly me.

Upset

Ok, so day before yesterday, Nick tells me that he went to the doctor to get a check up and his blood pressure was 150/120 - which is not good and what is even worse, the doctor sent him home without any medication whatsoever. Just some awesome advice to loose weight. I'm sure that's a factor, but he coaches and usually gets a work out at the school 4 days a week, and on weekends we always go for a hike, play Frisbee golf or whatever. He doesn't drink at all and only smokes the occasional cigar. And I have been silently freaking out inside ever since he told me. I don't even want to think about him getting sick. And the worst part is (obviously no one likes to acknowledge it they are sick or even heading in that direction) every time I try to bring the subject up, he immediately shuts down, refuses to talk then tells me he's tired and just wants to sit there for a while which frustrates me even more. So instead of sitting down and talking with him, I am sitting here, writing this stupid blog, trying to be a big girl and not cry. It's not working.

BIG Step

So tonight - right now as I type this - Nick is on his way to a bachelor party. An all night bachelor party. Yes, with strippers, booze, buddies - you name it. And he will be staying the night.

Why this is a big step you ask? Because normally I would freak out over this, I would let my insecurities run wild, brood about it for weeks and be a complete bitch to him about everything. Sad isn't it? I am ashamed to say that was exactly what I did when Dante and I were going to marry. I was so insecure about it in fact, that the only things they had on tap were to race go carts then go out to dinner. I would get upset if I found him watching porn - even though I enjoy watching it myself. Insecurity and poor self image causes long lasting, damaging things that affect not only yourself but those around you.

Which brings me to tonight. Now, I had heard about the BP in passing for a few months and just always thought that I would worry about it when it got closer. Then a week ago, I realized that truly, the thought of him going really didn't bother me. Then, I started to wonder why. Part of me wonders if I am not letting myself get deeply attached to Nick, so when/if it does happen I can say "See? You knew it was coming! It is always coming!" but the other part of me wonders if maybe, I am just growing up. Maybe I feel like I can trust Nick and for all the crap that has happened recently (another blog for another time) maybe he deserves to go out, have a night with the guys and be trusted. He trusted me to go the away to Reno for a girls weekend and - more unbelievably - trusted me to fly to another state and stay with Dante for the weekend. And he managed not to be an asshole to me before or after the trip :) In my heart, I really truly love and care for Nick and deep inside I am ok with this. For the first time in a long time, it feels really good to be secure enough in myself and my relationship to be ok with this.

I really had not intention of delving into such personal things tonight, but I am really rather amazed at the way I am handling it. At any rate, I'm glad to see the rational adult in me decided to pull my head out and let the guy have some fun. After all, he has been married twice and never had a bachelor party either time. Poor bastard.

Oh and maybe the part that makes me fell a little bit better? We are doing the Race for the Cure tomorrow morning and need to be there by 7:00am :) Have fun Nick!!!

Not So Secret Garden

From the time I was a little girl, I always loved the movie The Secret Garden. I could imagine myself as that little girl playing for hours and hours on end in a garden that was all my own. So, many years later, I still love that movie and I fianlly have a garden although it is not so secret. Bless Nick for having a green thumb :) See the side for more pics of my Not So Secret Garden. Wishing you all good days ~ Mia

Really Great!

This weekend Nick and I decided to get out of town and head to the Bay Area. Boy, how things have changed (and not changed) in a year. About this same time last year, our very first weekend away ever together was down in the Bay Area. The hotel we planned on staying at did not let us stay because I left my credit card at home and even though I already had paid for the room and had close to $700 in cash that I was willing to leave for a deposit, they wouldn't let us stay cause it wasn't a credit card. We ended up going next door to Motel 6 and still had an awesome time.

So here we are a year later, staying at the same hotel that denied us the first time. I have to tell you, a year ago when Nick and I first went down there, I remember looking at him while we were driving wondering how may weeks this "relationship" was going to last. If you knew him and knew me, we were pretty different people with different lifestyles and no one would have matched us on love connection. I couldn't help but smile thinking about how nervous and excited I was just to be with him and was thinking "The hell with it! Even if this doesn't work out, I'm still going to have a good time." Now a year later, I am still having a good time.

We were total tourists, did the Pier 39 thing, watched the silver and gold guys dance for the crowds while the "bush man" scared unsuspecting targets. We watched the boats come in, had a fab dinner at Alioto's while sharing a bottle of wine, watched the sea lions bask in the sun and ate crepes while watching the lights come on all over the city. He spoiled me rotten and bought me a tie-dyed sweatshirt which is now my favorite article of clothing ever! Not to mention some really beautiful glass jewelery that he picked out for me. Afterwards, we headed back to the hotel to lounge in the tub and sit out on our porch, listen to the water splash against the rocks and just enjoyed being together. It was one of the nicest weekends I think I have ever had. You know, we might bicker and argue about things from time to time, but it is a rarity that we actually out and out fight. I am so happy that I went through everything that I did with Dante and other guys in the past so I could appreciate what I have with Nick - and I do - so very much.

For the last 12 years, whenever I've made a wish (fountains, birthdays, shooting stars etc.) my one wish was to be happy. It looks like not only has my wish come true, but it is staying true. It takes work from both sides to be in a good, healthy relationship and I am so happy that I found someone that is willing to work with me to make it happen.

By being happy and grateful for what I already have in life, life seems to keep giving me things to be happy and grateful for. How great is that?

People suck and other thoughts

I have been doing really good on the quest to become a better me. I have gone to yoga three times since my last post, have forgone beer (which I love) and have tried really hard to watch what I'm eating. Steps in the right direction I guess -

Which I would have loved to tell you about it earlier except my phone, Internet and cable was out for three days so I was pretty much out of touch. The best part was when the Comcast guy came out and spent two hours at my house simply befuddled as to what the problem might be. Suddenly he thinks to look at the cable box - and promptly discovered that our ghetto trash next door neighbors were stealing our cable! How awesome is that? And the dumb fucks didn't even have a presence of mind to get a splitter and do it right. They literally unscrewed our cable line and ran one from their house into our box - and left our line laying next to it. I told Nick that he better handle it with the neighbors and the landlord cause it won't be pretty if it's in my hands. I so don't trust these fuck sticks and would love some sort of retaliation, but I'm wondering if them just being them is punishment enough. After all - when they first moved in, they ran off of a generator for three weeks cause they couldn't pay their electricity bill. It irks me cause I work a lot of nights at home (like 4-5) to get done stuff I can't get to during the day and so I missed out on getting paid for that because of these assholes. Has anyone been in a situation like this before? Did Comcast actually do anything or do shit heads like this get away with this crap? They had us fill out FCC paperwork, said it was a Federal Offense etc, but I'm just not sure how convinced I am....

Anyway, that irritation aside, I'm doing ok with trying to get healthier and have lost 4.6 pounds since I first started:) If anyone else out there is trying to do right by themselves, I'd love to read your blog or hear your feedback. Happy Friday everyone!

Trying to be a better me - day 1

Ok. So far, so good. I ate my lunch that I brought with me today (thank God as I didn't leave for lunch again today) have stayed far away from the candy bowl in my buddy's office and have generally been on my best behavior food wise. Probably cause I've been too busy to give too much thought to food :) Yoga wise - not so much. Have every intent on going to the 5:30am class - clothes laid out, water bottle and mat at the ready - only to hear my alarm go off, crack one eye open and think "It's 4:45 and it's freezing outside. Chico is so soft and warm. Maybe I will just go to the 6:30 class tonight..." which sounds awesome except I am here, at work, writing this at 6:10 when it takes me about 30 minutes to get there. When there is no traffic. And no rain. Oh well. Some days work comes first and this is one of those days. Shooting for Tuesday...

Nick is in a foul mood because of school stuff with his daughter - sorry all - don't feel like re-hashing it at the moment, but I'm going to try and stay strong and not take them out for ice cream after a tough day.

Dante is still in Colorado. His mom and his son moved up there permanently last week. I sure do miss his son. He is and always will be my guy (the son that is). They want me to come for a visit at the end of the February. They have invited Nick although I don't think he really wants to go, but that is a blog for another day or perhaps later tonight if I'm feeling frisky.

Best of luck to me and everyone else out there who is trying to make changes for the better!

~Mia

A different direction

So, once again I am on the bandwagon to loose weight.

Now here is the kicker - I'm not alone, my self esteem is probably close to the best it's ever been and (the best part) in one week it will be one year since Nick and I have been together. A whole year and I am really starting to think and believe that he really loves me even though currently, I know I'm not at my best. And that's why I think I love him too. Anyone can look pretty dressed up and with makeup on, but lets just say not everyone appreciates natural beauty.

I am not a small boned woman, but am not and have never been fat. I'm solid and strong and have a nice proportionate girlish figure. Unfortunately, I've noticed how much tighter things have gotten lately on my expanding girlish figure and really, it's because I'm not dedicating enough time and effort to the cause. The sad thing is I actually joined a Bikram Yoga class (which I love) and while it is super tough - the room is 105 degrees and you are in it for 90 minutes contorting your body into positions you've only seen in racy movies and then there's the smell. You've got to get used to the smell - there are usually as little as 5 and as many as 20 people in a class with you at any time, all sweating stretching and everything else right next to you, so sometimes it can be dicey. However, if you put that aside and you stick with it, you are not only amazed by how you feel, but how you look. You see, you burn approximately 750 - 1100 calories per class. Look into it if you don't believe me (what a trip, as I'm writing about this, I just got a message from the good yoga folks they are doing a 30 day challenge class for the month of February*) How's that for a sign? *yes I realize that February only has 28 days, 29 at most - what can I say? They are hippies you know? All this being said, I never felt better about myself mentally and physically - and I want to fee that way again. For me. Not because I am trying to get something or not be lonely. I really want to feel better and look better for me. So here it is: 50 pounds. That's what my goal is 50 pounds. As most great diets start tomorrow, so shall mine. My personal challenge is to blog at least two times a week about my progress and go to yoga at least 3-4 times a week. Who knows? Maybe I will get a wild hair and do the 30 day challenge. Some days you just have to go through the motions, so here I go.

Thank you for being a part of my journey - Bevie - as usual, thank you for checking in. All the best to you and yours now and always :)

Things I would like to ask my mom

I'd like to think that everyone has someone (or had someone in their life) that they can look up to, talk to and ask those tough questions that sometimes life throws at us. My mom passed away almost 15 years ago (when I was 16) so while, at this point in my life, I got to spend a good half of it with her, there are just some questions and life lessons that just don't maifest until later in life. I recently read a saying "Make peace with your past so you can focus on your future". That being said here are a list of questions I wish I could ask now in hopes of trying to make peace with some of my past:

Tell me about your first heart break - how did you get through it?

Have you ever gotten into an argument with a good friend that ruined that relationship? Did you ever want/try to fix it?

How do you really, really feel about yourself? Are you happy?

What is your biggest regret?

What are you most proud of?

Even after you married dad, were you ever conflicted about someone else?

I probably have a ton more that I haven't thought of or haven't even happened to me yet, but this is a good start. Even though I will never get these answers from her, I am fortunate enough to have good friends, aunts and co-workers that have have given guidance and will always continue to do so - looks like mom will always look out for me no matter what :)